Kensley

Last Thursday, March 3rd, my daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Kensley Sarah. And although I would have been equally happy had she given birth to a boy, there is something very special about the name they chose for their daughter. They chose a “K” name to honor Ken, my husband who passed away 4 years ago (see About Me), and not just any “K’ name, but one with his name in it. I love it. Additionally, they honored my family tradition, one that I think is very special as it is passed down through the women, giving the first born daughter the mother’s name as the middle name. It has gone thus: Elizabeth Mary, Barbara Elizabeth, Heather Barbara, Sarah Heather and now Kensley Sarah.

It was an arduous labor, but Sarah was a trooper and Demian steadfastly supported her. I was honored to be there to support her as well. Kensley was amazingly alert from the moment she was born – so much so I commented that she was nosy! Sarah is like an old pro at this mothering thing, relaxed and confident, caring and calm. I am equally in love with this baby as I am watching my daughter be a mother.

And now, just because indeed it is always something, a quick multiple myeloma update. When I went to Smilow for my velcade injection on Thursday my white blood count had dropped quite a bit (my ANC was 0.6). So They halted all treatment (did not get the injection and stopped taking the daily revlimid) until they check my blood work again next week. The upside is that I feel totally fine. The downsize is that I am at risk for getting an infection that would be difficult for me to fight off. And just a reminder that this is a long and winding road, this cancer thing.

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Heather

I never thought I’d be writing a blog, and certainly not one that is all about me, and yet, here I am. For me life has always been interesting, not mundane, not always exciting per se, but hardly ever the norm. When I say “It’s always something…” I don’t hear it as my life is a mess, it;s always something. It’s more of life is challenging and evolving and messy and inspiring and wondrous, it’s always something. I grew up in suburbia, buy my grandfather was the head of the Communist Party in the U.S. I was raised keeping that a secret, so that was something. I am tall, always have been, really tall (6’1″), I was taller than every human being in my elementary school when I was in 6th grade, that is still something. My parents divorced in my teens. I got a full basketball scholarship to Duke University. I married my high school basketball coach, 18 years my senior. I raised a stepson. I had two amazing kids of my own. We had a multicultural household, secular christian (I guess that’s what I would call it, you know Santa and the Easter Bunny) and Judaism, I used to say if it was a holiday – we celebrated it! We were uber involved in our community, mostly through youth athletics, coaching, managing and spectating. Our kids grew up, I started a photography business on the side (I hope to share some photos here) and we planned to travel a bit together, went to Portugal for our 25th anniversary and then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, initially they gave him 5 years, but he only survived for a little over two. I was going to say lived, but really, it was more like surviving. That, indeed, was something. I became a widow at 49. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But, then it was something in another way. I relearned who I was. You don’t realize how much of you becomes a combination of you and another person in a relationship. And not in a bad way, it is essential, and you don’t lose yourself, you just evolve. And I found myself suddenly alone, and learning about myself and who I had become over the years, what was just me, and what was part of who we were together. Which in retrospect, was probably hardest on those around me who had gotten used to the old me, or never even knew the original me. A year later I found love again. Sold my home of 31 years and moved closer to work. I became more fit, ate more healthfully and was amazed that I could be happy, truly happy, in the wake, no not wake, but the shadow of such profound grief. And that is truly something, something amazing and unexpected. And then, through some routine blood work in April 2014, and a visit to a hematologist and bone marrow biopsy in May, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And so, yes, for me right now it’s multiple myeloma, but that is not all, there are still highs and joys, and the mundane and the rest, but something like cancer does cast a pretty long shadow.

10 thoughts on “Kensley”

  1. Wonderful watching a daughter become a caring and loving Mother and last year I had the amazing experience of my son having a son. Feeling so very blessed. Please wear a mask at work or don’t leave your office! Love, peace and faith, Carol

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  2. Just perfect….. all of this… except for those darn WBCs! BUT… Kensley – such a perfect name- for a perfect baby with a perfect Mom. Congratulations to all of you… and welcome to your world, Kensley!

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