Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving I am very thankful. Thankful and filled with gratitude despite being a widow and a cancer patient.

I am grateful for Dr. Munshi and Tina Flaherty, APRN at Dana Farber for their expertise in and careful study of multiple myeloma and the treatment of it. And for their kindness and responsiveness to me and my questions and queries.

I am thankful to be living in an era of mostly uneventful autologous stem cell transplants. Grateful for this therapy and the destruction of cancer cells that it allowed.

I am grateful for researchers, and yes, even pharmaceutical companies, who continue to develop new drugs to treat my cancer, two in the last week alone were approved by the FDA. One of these is an oral (pill) form of the maintenance drug I currently have to go to the clinic to get by injection. So this one will make a difference for me in the near future (as soon as it is available locally).

I am grateful to be employed by Yale University and for my co-workers who allow me to continue to work (and get paid) while I take care of my health.

I am grateful for the love of my close friends and family and the support they give me.

I am grateful for the kindness of all my friends, far and wide, both near and far, from old friends who I don’t see very often, and those I am privileged to see much more often, and those I may only “know” or “see” virtually, here or on social media.

This is the first thanksgiving in many, many years that I am not hosting. My daughter Sarah is hosting her first thanksgiving in her first house, which she moved into only a few weeks ago, and pregnant with her first child. We’re splitting the cooking. And as I “pass the torch” in a small way, I am grateful that I have, and we have, all the precious memories of thanksgivings past, when Ken was alive, feeding 3-4 dozen people, hikes in the valley, high school football games, grandchildren visiting, and crescent rolls (for the last time, year after year).

And I am grateful for Scot, who is present for my day to day, my ups and downs, my low moments and my highs, and my whining and complaining. He never panics, never lets me overdramatize, makes me laugh (and laugh and laugh), tells me I am beautiful (even when I am sure I am not), remains eternally positive, feeds me and occasionally, when I need it, reminds me to be grateful, which I am.

 

Published by

Heather

I never thought I’d be writing a blog, and certainly not one that is all about me, and yet, here I am. For me life has always been interesting, not mundane, not always exciting per se, but hardly ever the norm. When I say “It’s always something…” I don’t hear it as my life is a mess, it;s always something. It’s more of life is challenging and evolving and messy and inspiring and wondrous, it’s always something. I grew up in suburbia, buy my grandfather was the head of the Communist Party in the U.S. I was raised keeping that a secret, so that was something. I am tall, always have been, really tall (6’1″), I was taller than every human being in my elementary school when I was in 6th grade, that is still something. My parents divorced in my teens. I got a full basketball scholarship to Duke University. I married my high school basketball coach, 18 years my senior. I raised a stepson. I had two amazing kids of my own. We had a multicultural household, secular christian (I guess that’s what I would call it, you know Santa and the Easter Bunny) and Judaism, I used to say if it was a holiday – we celebrated it! We were uber involved in our community, mostly through youth athletics, coaching, managing and spectating. Our kids grew up, I started a photography business on the side (I hope to share some photos here) and we planned to travel a bit together, went to Portugal for our 25th anniversary and then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, initially they gave him 5 years, but he only survived for a little over two. I was going to say lived, but really, it was more like surviving. That, indeed, was something. I became a widow at 49. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But, then it was something in another way. I relearned who I was. You don’t realize how much of you becomes a combination of you and another person in a relationship. And not in a bad way, it is essential, and you don’t lose yourself, you just evolve. And I found myself suddenly alone, and learning about myself and who I had become over the years, what was just me, and what was part of who we were together. Which in retrospect, was probably hardest on those around me who had gotten used to the old me, or never even knew the original me. A year later I found love again. Sold my home of 31 years and moved closer to work. I became more fit, ate more healthfully and was amazed that I could be happy, truly happy, in the wake, no not wake, but the shadow of such profound grief. And that is truly something, something amazing and unexpected. And then, through some routine blood work in April 2014, and a visit to a hematologist and bone marrow biopsy in May, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And so, yes, for me right now it’s multiple myeloma, but that is not all, there are still highs and joys, and the mundane and the rest, but something like cancer does cast a pretty long shadow.

7 thoughts on “Thanksgiving”

  1. “And for being together” Jeanette Conway. Sending a big hug your way this Thanksgiving. Keep on writing. It is wonderful to read your voice. Steve

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  2. To look at what you are grateful for during this time is an inspiration to all of us. Wishing you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving! Love, Cindy

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  3. Happy Thanksgiving Heather. You are a wonderful woman and thanks for reminding all of us to be thankful even when there are hardships! Peace & Love, Carol

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  4. Very cool pic! Taken by you, I presume. Looks like it was done by a pro. Which, of course, you are. I am thankful for having such talented, interesting, loving, beautiful friends. Grateful for you every day.

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