Day +12

Fresh air. Green, living things. Hugs. My own bed. Shower. Planning a meal. Birds chirping. Home. 

Can’t share in the driving. Not being able to run into CVS. Heading straight to bed for a nap. Stopping halfway up the stairs to rest. Water doesn’t taste right. Restrictions  both explicit and intrinsic. 

It is good to be home, but this is going to take some getting used to. 

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I never thought I’d be writing a blog, and certainly not one that is all about me, and yet, here I am. For me life has always been interesting, not mundane, not always exciting per se, but hardly ever the norm. When I say “It’s always something…” I don’t hear it as my life is a mess, it;s always something. It’s more of life is challenging and evolving and messy and inspiring and wondrous, it’s always something. I grew up in suburbia, buy my grandfather was the head of the Communist Party in the U.S. I was raised keeping that a secret, so that was something. I am tall, always have been, really tall (6’1″), I was taller than every human being in my elementary school when I was in 6th grade, that is still something. My parents divorced in my teens. I got a full basketball scholarship to Duke University. I married my high school basketball coach, 18 years my senior. I raised a stepson. I had two amazing kids of my own. We had a multicultural household, secular christian (I guess that’s what I would call it, you know Santa and the Easter Bunny) and Judaism, I used to say if it was a holiday – we celebrated it! We were uber involved in our community, mostly through youth athletics, coaching, managing and spectating. Our kids grew up, I started a photography business on the side (I hope to share some photos here) and we planned to travel a bit together, went to Portugal for our 25th anniversary and then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, initially they gave him 5 years, but he only survived for a little over two. I was going to say lived, but really, it was more like surviving. That, indeed, was something. I became a widow at 49. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But, then it was something in another way. I relearned who I was. You don’t realize how much of you becomes a combination of you and another person in a relationship. And not in a bad way, it is essential, and you don’t lose yourself, you just evolve. And I found myself suddenly alone, and learning about myself and who I had become over the years, what was just me, and what was part of who we were together. Which in retrospect, was probably hardest on those around me who had gotten used to the old me, or never even knew the original me. A year later I found love again. Sold my home of 31 years and moved closer to work. I became more fit, ate more healthfully and was amazed that I could be happy, truly happy, in the wake, no not wake, but the shadow of such profound grief. And that is truly something, something amazing and unexpected. And then, through some routine blood work in April 2014, and a visit to a hematologist and bone marrow biopsy in May, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And so, yes, for me right now it’s multiple myeloma, but that is not all, there are still highs and joys, and the mundane and the rest, but something like cancer does cast a pretty long shadow.

9 thoughts on “Day +12”

  1. Welcome Home! Glad you’re back, and that your numbers are so good, and getting better. Hope the adjustments will seem like second nature soon. Hope I get to see you soon!


    1. Visitors are allowed as long as they are not sick or have reason to believe they are about to be sick (someone you live with is sick). No one needs to wear masks or gloves. You just need to leave your shoes and bags at the door.


  2. How exciting to be home in your own bed with your own comfort foods and of course, the love of family and friends. Be well and go slow.


  3. Omg, I just had the opportunity to read your whole blog. There r no words to express how proud I am of your courage and strength during your fight to win! I really did not know much, except what I heard thru the family. Life has not been easy for u, to say the least, but, your attitude is truly amazing! I love u, your spirit and your willingness to face life, on life’s terms. Soon, u will be a grandmother! How special. Plz, let us know when the baby is born. If u need us for anything, we r here 4 u. And, if u want to use the condo for a little time out, just let us know. If it’s not rented, and, we r not there, it’s yours. Love u, girl! Donna


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