Day +8

One of the clinicians today described this period as “the trenches.”  My WBC has bottomed out (0.04 today), my hematocrit was 24.7 which meant I needed red blood cells and my platelets were 8 so I also got a unit of platelets. 

And man am I tired! I am too tired to explain just how exhausted I feel. Even with Sarah typing for me. 

I did experience a bump after the transfusions at which time I bathed and got some walking/dancing in on the unit with Sarah.  The nurses were disappointed we were using earbuds, they wanted to hear the music. (Note: in my room I don’t have to wear anything. But visitors must wear a mask ANC gloves. Outside of the room the situation is reversed.)

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I never thought I’d be writing a blog, and certainly not one that is all about me, and yet, here I am. For me life has always been interesting, not mundane, not always exciting per se, but hardly ever the norm. When I say “It’s always something…” I don’t hear it as my life is a mess, it;s always something. It’s more of life is challenging and evolving and messy and inspiring and wondrous, it’s always something. I grew up in suburbia, buy my grandfather was the head of the Communist Party in the U.S. I was raised keeping that a secret, so that was something. I am tall, always have been, really tall (6’1″), I was taller than every human being in my elementary school when I was in 6th grade, that is still something. My parents divorced in my teens. I got a full basketball scholarship to Duke University. I married my high school basketball coach, 18 years my senior. I raised a stepson. I had two amazing kids of my own. We had a multicultural household, secular christian (I guess that’s what I would call it, you know Santa and the Easter Bunny) and Judaism, I used to say if it was a holiday – we celebrated it! We were uber involved in our community, mostly through youth athletics, coaching, managing and spectating. Our kids grew up, I started a photography business on the side (I hope to share some photos here) and we planned to travel a bit together, went to Portugal for our 25th anniversary and then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, initially they gave him 5 years, but he only survived for a little over two. I was going to say lived, but really, it was more like surviving. That, indeed, was something. I became a widow at 49. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But, then it was something in another way. I relearned who I was. You don’t realize how much of you becomes a combination of you and another person in a relationship. And not in a bad way, it is essential, and you don’t lose yourself, you just evolve. And I found myself suddenly alone, and learning about myself and who I had become over the years, what was just me, and what was part of who we were together. Which in retrospect, was probably hardest on those around me who had gotten used to the old me, or never even knew the original me. A year later I found love again. Sold my home of 31 years and moved closer to work. I became more fit, ate more healthfully and was amazed that I could be happy, truly happy, in the wake, no not wake, but the shadow of such profound grief. And that is truly something, something amazing and unexpected. And then, through some routine blood work in April 2014, and a visit to a hematologist and bone marrow biopsy in May, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And so, yes, for me right now it’s multiple myeloma, but that is not all, there are still highs and joys, and the mundane and the rest, but something like cancer does cast a pretty long shadow.

8 thoughts on “Day +8”

  1. So… considering what your body is so busy contending with at the moment? if you WEREN’T utterly exhausted? that would just be terrifying, because it would probably indicate that you are a cyborg or a replicant or an alien or something, and not just a human. So… I have a playdate with Minka tomorrow. I’ll kiss her right on the lips for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It doesn’t sound like there was any vomiting yesterday!! That’s a plus:) Keep fighting the good fight sister!!!


  3. Yeah for getting down and boogying on the floor. You have a super nice dance partner. Sorry the tired monkey is on your back- he sucks. Hope this is the only day you are “down in the trenches”. Hugs. Denise


  4. Could you send me your fax number again? I am trying to get the lot 12 agreement to you. Thank you. Rickie

    Sent from my iPad



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