Day +5

Day +5 was a good day, although it started with a rough night prior. I woke up around 4 am sopping wet, assuming I had just had a terrible night sweat. It was not until I realized it was more moisture than would evaporate on its own that I hit the call button. As it turns out my fluid line had gotten disconnected. And then, after changing the bed and falling back to sleep I woke up with a migraine an hour later.

BUT, I had a nice visit with Kyle, neither of us needed a nap and I did not need any “coverage” anti nausea meds (I am getting two of them without requesting over the course of the day). I feel more like myself with more energy. I do understand that it may get worse again before it gets better. But I am also open to the possibility that it will continue to get better, or stabilize with a few bumps. Either way, I’ll get what I get and I won’t get upset (that works for 53 year olds as well as it does for three year olds).

My WBC is down to 0.22, which is considered fairly close to bottoming out. My hematocrit was low enough that I did need and received a unit of red blood cells. The nurse made sure to inform me and Kyle that this was prime stuff, from one donor, screened and irradiated, so more “good stuff” for me!

Anxious for Sarah to arrive tomorrow for a four day stay and not just because she is going to do my laundry.

Thanks to all the people who have hosted or will host me and my visitors here in Boston: Alison’s Aunt Maureen and Uncle Joe, Lisa’s friend ‘Grini, Ken’s cousin Herman and Marsha, Sarah’s friend Suzanne, Kyle’s friend Jane, and perhaps even an old school chum of mine Ellen (if it works out).

And lastly, a Happy Father’s Day to all you dads out there – I was sad to miss all three celebrations I would have gone to today, but delighted that a good time was had by all.

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Heather

I never thought I’d be writing a blog, and certainly not one that is all about me, and yet, here I am. For me life has always been interesting, not mundane, not always exciting per se, but hardly ever the norm. When I say “It’s always something…” I don’t hear it as my life is a mess, it;s always something. It’s more of life is challenging and evolving and messy and inspiring and wondrous, it’s always something. I grew up in suburbia, buy my grandfather was the head of the Communist Party in the U.S. I was raised keeping that a secret, so that was something. I am tall, always have been, really tall (6’1″), I was taller than every human being in my elementary school when I was in 6th grade, that is still something. My parents divorced in my teens. I got a full basketball scholarship to Duke University. I married my high school basketball coach, 18 years my senior. I raised a stepson. I had two amazing kids of my own. We had a multicultural household, secular christian (I guess that’s what I would call it, you know Santa and the Easter Bunny) and Judaism, I used to say if it was a holiday – we celebrated it! We were uber involved in our community, mostly through youth athletics, coaching, managing and spectating. Our kids grew up, I started a photography business on the side (I hope to share some photos here) and we planned to travel a bit together, went to Portugal for our 25th anniversary and then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, initially they gave him 5 years, but he only survived for a little over two. I was going to say lived, but really, it was more like surviving. That, indeed, was something. I became a widow at 49. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But, then it was something in another way. I relearned who I was. You don’t realize how much of you becomes a combination of you and another person in a relationship. And not in a bad way, it is essential, and you don’t lose yourself, you just evolve. And I found myself suddenly alone, and learning about myself and who I had become over the years, what was just me, and what was part of who we were together. Which in retrospect, was probably hardest on those around me who had gotten used to the old me, or never even knew the original me. A year later I found love again. Sold my home of 31 years and moved closer to work. I became more fit, ate more healthfully and was amazed that I could be happy, truly happy, in the wake, no not wake, but the shadow of such profound grief. And that is truly something, something amazing and unexpected. And then, through some routine blood work in April 2014, and a visit to a hematologist and bone marrow biopsy in May, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And so, yes, for me right now it’s multiple myeloma, but that is not all, there are still highs and joys, and the mundane and the rest, but something like cancer does cast a pretty long shadow.

4 thoughts on “Day +5”

  1. Missed you so much at the good times. Avery stole the show. What a girl! She’s very determined, very much a mind of her own. Andrea served up a bunch of comfort food—fried chicken, mac and cheese, cookies and cake. I hid the goodies Kirsten brought me from Julia’s. Great to see everyone but missed you large. Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I thought you were going to say that you accidentally peed yourself. Didn’t we discuss Depends one day recently? What great conversations we have! Sorry you missed your Father’s Day events, you will have extra fun at next year’s hoopla! So glad the nurses are taking good care of you. Getting to know your caregivers is a small blessing during this time. YEAH for being first on the list for a room with your own shower. Praying that everyday you feel better and better. Hugs and kisses from me and my doggie! Denise

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