Going In

I leave for Boston in a few hours, my room is already there for me. No waiting, you know, except for all the rest of the waiting 🙂

So I’m going in, not quite as dramatic as jumping off of the Victoria Falls Bridge (see photo above of me, Summer 2012).

I’m ready. I’ve eaten my way through the past few days, all things I won’t be able to have for the next 50 days (or more) and things I think I might miss (or just felt like having).  This has included:

  • 2 lbs of fresh raspberries
  • McDonald’s cheeseburger and fries
  • Fresh figs
  • Blueberries
  • Doughnuts
  • Salads, lots of salads, middle eastern salads, shaved brussel sprouts over a risotto cake, arugula and beets, etc.
  • Dr. Mike’s hot fudge sundae

My clothes and entertainment items are packed in plastic bags (requirement). No toiletries, jewelry or wallets allowed.

And I won’t be outside for 18 days. Weird.

Here’s hoping I’m bored. As Dr. Munshi said when he first talked to me about this process, “I like my patients bored, that means they are feeling well.”

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I never thought I’d be writing a blog, and certainly not one that is all about me, and yet, here I am. For me life has always been interesting, not mundane, not always exciting per se, but hardly ever the norm. When I say “It’s always something…” I don’t hear it as my life is a mess, it;s always something. It’s more of life is challenging and evolving and messy and inspiring and wondrous, it’s always something. I grew up in suburbia, buy my grandfather was the head of the Communist Party in the U.S. I was raised keeping that a secret, so that was something. I am tall, always have been, really tall (6’1″), I was taller than every human being in my elementary school when I was in 6th grade, that is still something. My parents divorced in my teens. I got a full basketball scholarship to Duke University. I married my high school basketball coach, 18 years my senior. I raised a stepson. I had two amazing kids of my own. We had a multicultural household, secular christian (I guess that’s what I would call it, you know Santa and the Easter Bunny) and Judaism, I used to say if it was a holiday – we celebrated it! We were uber involved in our community, mostly through youth athletics, coaching, managing and spectating. Our kids grew up, I started a photography business on the side (I hope to share some photos here) and we planned to travel a bit together, went to Portugal for our 25th anniversary and then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, initially they gave him 5 years, but he only survived for a little over two. I was going to say lived, but really, it was more like surviving. That, indeed, was something. I became a widow at 49. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But, then it was something in another way. I relearned who I was. You don’t realize how much of you becomes a combination of you and another person in a relationship. And not in a bad way, it is essential, and you don’t lose yourself, you just evolve. And I found myself suddenly alone, and learning about myself and who I had become over the years, what was just me, and what was part of who we were together. Which in retrospect, was probably hardest on those around me who had gotten used to the old me, or never even knew the original me. A year later I found love again. Sold my home of 31 years and moved closer to work. I became more fit, ate more healthfully and was amazed that I could be happy, truly happy, in the wake, no not wake, but the shadow of such profound grief. And that is truly something, something amazing and unexpected. And then, through some routine blood work in April 2014, and a visit to a hematologist and bone marrow biopsy in May, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And so, yes, for me right now it’s multiple myeloma, but that is not all, there are still highs and joys, and the mundane and the rest, but something like cancer does cast a pretty long shadow.

5 thoughts on “Going In”

  1. Great pic of you jumping off the bridge-gutsy, not sure if I could take that plunge!
    Stay strong and like your physician-I hope you get bored very quickly 🙂
    Thoughts and Prayers to you!

    Liked by 1 person

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