Short

Ken used to use a fair amount of army vernacular, partially from the year he spent in Germany teaching on a military base, but I think mostly from his dad. Some of these terms have stuck with me and I still use them. So we come to “short”, typically I am not short, not in stature and I try not to be financially, but right now I am “short” in the military sense, or really in reverse of the military sense. Soldiers who are “short” are almost at the end of their tour of duty. I, on the other hand, am short and feel like I am going into the military, or perhaps prison.

And no, it is not that bad, nor that long, neither my hospital stay nor my limitations when I get discharged. But I am feeling like scrambling to do the last few things I can do now that I won’t be able to do later like eating now what I will have to avoid soon.

I am feeling much better than when I was feverish last weekend, but feeling the effects of last week’s chemotherapy – very tired and some occasional nausea. It took me three days to have both the energy and the appetite to go to Ashley’s for ice cream – oh the trials and tribulations! 🙂

I have just two more days of working (from home). One more photo shoot to edit. Dinner out with my kids. And I’m trying to use as many of our fresh herbs as I can when we cook!

At any rate, I’m counting down, but I’m still kickin’!

stillkickin

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Heather

I never thought I’d be writing a blog, and certainly not one that is all about me, and yet, here I am. For me life has always been interesting, not mundane, not always exciting per se, but hardly ever the norm. When I say “It’s always something…” I don’t hear it as my life is a mess, it;s always something. It’s more of life is challenging and evolving and messy and inspiring and wondrous, it’s always something. I grew up in suburbia, buy my grandfather was the head of the Communist Party in the U.S. I was raised keeping that a secret, so that was something. I am tall, always have been, really tall (6’1″), I was taller than every human being in my elementary school when I was in 6th grade, that is still something. My parents divorced in my teens. I got a full basketball scholarship to Duke University. I married my high school basketball coach, 18 years my senior. I raised a stepson. I had two amazing kids of my own. We had a multicultural household, secular christian (I guess that’s what I would call it, you know Santa and the Easter Bunny) and Judaism, I used to say if it was a holiday – we celebrated it! We were uber involved in our community, mostly through youth athletics, coaching, managing and spectating. Our kids grew up, I started a photography business on the side (I hope to share some photos here) and we planned to travel a bit together, went to Portugal for our 25th anniversary and then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, initially they gave him 5 years, but he only survived for a little over two. I was going to say lived, but really, it was more like surviving. That, indeed, was something. I became a widow at 49. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But, then it was something in another way. I relearned who I was. You don’t realize how much of you becomes a combination of you and another person in a relationship. And not in a bad way, it is essential, and you don’t lose yourself, you just evolve. And I found myself suddenly alone, and learning about myself and who I had become over the years, what was just me, and what was part of who we were together. Which in retrospect, was probably hardest on those around me who had gotten used to the old me, or never even knew the original me. A year later I found love again. Sold my home of 31 years and moved closer to work. I became more fit, ate more healthfully and was amazed that I could be happy, truly happy, in the wake, no not wake, but the shadow of such profound grief. And that is truly something, something amazing and unexpected. And then, through some routine blood work in April 2014, and a visit to a hematologist and bone marrow biopsy in May, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And so, yes, for me right now it’s multiple myeloma, but that is not all, there are still highs and joys, and the mundane and the rest, but something like cancer does cast a pretty long shadow.

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