Dreams & Wishes

Disclosure: This post is probably not what you thought it was going to be.

Two things this week have tickled my funny bone.

A few weeks ago I went to the ophthalmologist, and although my distance vision is not perfect, I don’t need glasses if I don’t want them. (I had them a few years ago and found them more annoying then anything else and then I dove into the ocean with the prescription sunglasses on and misplaced the regular pair visiting friends in Orlando.) A couple of nights ago, close to morning I had a dream that someone came to my door and rang the bell. It was a tall, young, fairly good looking man (why I include this fact, I’m not sure, but it’s true) with glasses standing on my front porch. He was an eye doctor, apparently he was tracking me down so I would get glasses. His name was Dr. Seagoode.

Get it?  So apparently I am becoming Henny Youngman in my dreams! I dreamt the spelling and everything and then I woke up. I thought it was hysterical and laughed right away.  Still makes me laugh.  Dr. Seagoode…

The other thing is that Scot has taken to randomly rubbing my bald head to make a wish. This too makes me laugh every time.

He also thinks I should go out some time without any head covering, that I look beautiful. I did take my hat off today when we were sitting by the shore and on a dock, hoping to get some sun on my very white scalp. When we were on the dock there was a boat below us filled with people. And on the boat was a woman with a bald head (hers was evenly tanned, same as her face). A few minutes after I took off my hat I saw her frantically waving at my and smiling at me.  I waved and smiled back. Sisters in arms.

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I never thought I’d be writing a blog, and certainly not one that is all about me, and yet, here I am. For me life has always been interesting, not mundane, not always exciting per se, but hardly ever the norm. When I say “It’s always something…” I don’t hear it as my life is a mess, it;s always something. It’s more of life is challenging and evolving and messy and inspiring and wondrous, it’s always something. I grew up in suburbia, buy my grandfather was the head of the Communist Party in the U.S. I was raised keeping that a secret, so that was something. I am tall, always have been, really tall (6’1″), I was taller than every human being in my elementary school when I was in 6th grade, that is still something. My parents divorced in my teens. I got a full basketball scholarship to Duke University. I married my high school basketball coach, 18 years my senior. I raised a stepson. I had two amazing kids of my own. We had a multicultural household, secular christian (I guess that’s what I would call it, you know Santa and the Easter Bunny) and Judaism, I used to say if it was a holiday – we celebrated it! We were uber involved in our community, mostly through youth athletics, coaching, managing and spectating. Our kids grew up, I started a photography business on the side (I hope to share some photos here) and we planned to travel a bit together, went to Portugal for our 25th anniversary and then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, initially they gave him 5 years, but he only survived for a little over two. I was going to say lived, but really, it was more like surviving. That, indeed, was something. I became a widow at 49. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But, then it was something in another way. I relearned who I was. You don’t realize how much of you becomes a combination of you and another person in a relationship. And not in a bad way, it is essential, and you don’t lose yourself, you just evolve. And I found myself suddenly alone, and learning about myself and who I had become over the years, what was just me, and what was part of who we were together. Which in retrospect, was probably hardest on those around me who had gotten used to the old me, or never even knew the original me. A year later I found love again. Sold my home of 31 years and moved closer to work. I became more fit, ate more healthfully and was amazed that I could be happy, truly happy, in the wake, no not wake, but the shadow of such profound grief. And that is truly something, something amazing and unexpected. And then, through some routine blood work in April 2014, and a visit to a hematologist and bone marrow biopsy in May, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And so, yes, for me right now it’s multiple myeloma, but that is not all, there are still highs and joys, and the mundane and the rest, but something like cancer does cast a pretty long shadow.

4 thoughts on “Dreams & Wishes”

  1. Dreams are freaking awesome. I love that yours cracked you up. Dr. Seagoode. I love it!

    The latter part of the post was very touching. 🙂 Little moments make so much difference.

    Liked by 2 people

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