Ruse

Saturday afternoon it was clear that my hair was more than thinning. So as soon as I had a moment, after doing prom make-up, I started hacking off my hair with scissors. Although I had been emotional on and off preceding that, once I started to do something about it I was fine.

I put on my wig and went to take prom pictures where I got lots of teen approval. Came home to Sarah, Demian and the two little ones who didn’t notice a thing different about me.

 Sunday morning I got up early to start preparing brunch for 25. It was a little hot and itchy in the wig. When almost everyone was gone Sarah buzzed my head with Demian’s trimmer – aaahhhh so much better!

Monday I got my pre stem cell transplant cleaning and evaluation done – North Branford Dentists – they were fabulous. I need a few things done, but they assured me they could do it in time, even if they had to work longer hours!

Then I went to work, the big test. By the end of the day I was practically embarrassed to be pulling off the ruse so easily; “your hair looks great straightened, did you do it yourself?”, “love your hair”, “looks great”, “loving it straight”, etcetera.

I am sure some people might be wondering. But thankfully no questions.

Overall it’s not bad, not bad at all.

Published by

Heather

I never thought I’d be writing a blog, and certainly not one that is all about me, and yet, here I am. For me life has always been interesting, not mundane, not always exciting per se, but hardly ever the norm. When I say “It’s always something…” I don’t hear it as my life is a mess, it;s always something. It’s more of life is challenging and evolving and messy and inspiring and wondrous, it’s always something. I grew up in suburbia, buy my grandfather was the head of the Communist Party in the U.S. I was raised keeping that a secret, so that was something. I am tall, always have been, really tall (6’1″), I was taller than every human being in my elementary school when I was in 6th grade, that is still something. My parents divorced in my teens. I got a full basketball scholarship to Duke University. I married my high school basketball coach, 18 years my senior. I raised a stepson. I had two amazing kids of my own. We had a multicultural household, secular christian (I guess that’s what I would call it, you know Santa and the Easter Bunny) and Judaism, I used to say if it was a holiday – we celebrated it! We were uber involved in our community, mostly through youth athletics, coaching, managing and spectating. Our kids grew up, I started a photography business on the side (I hope to share some photos here) and we planned to travel a bit together, went to Portugal for our 25th anniversary and then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, initially they gave him 5 years, but he only survived for a little over two. I was going to say lived, but really, it was more like surviving. That, indeed, was something. I became a widow at 49. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But, then it was something in another way. I relearned who I was. You don’t realize how much of you becomes a combination of you and another person in a relationship. And not in a bad way, it is essential, and you don’t lose yourself, you just evolve. And I found myself suddenly alone, and learning about myself and who I had become over the years, what was just me, and what was part of who we were together. Which in retrospect, was probably hardest on those around me who had gotten used to the old me, or never even knew the original me. A year later I found love again. Sold my home of 31 years and moved closer to work. I became more fit, ate more healthfully and was amazed that I could be happy, truly happy, in the wake, no not wake, but the shadow of such profound grief. And that is truly something, something amazing and unexpected. And then, through some routine blood work in April 2014, and a visit to a hematologist and bone marrow biopsy in May, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And so, yes, for me right now it’s multiple myeloma, but that is not all, there are still highs and joys, and the mundane and the rest, but something like cancer does cast a pretty long shadow.

3 thoughts on “Ruse”

  1. I’m so glad you’re writing this…it’s so helpful to know your steps.
    Having been with you when the dental piece was added to your plate, I’m so happy to hear that you found a dental group that sounds perfect. The wig really does look beautiful and if I didn’t know, I’d also say it looks straighter but really beautiful…emotional, I know Heath…
    So sorry to have missed Mother’s Day. Love to make plans for a visit.
    Love you,
    Tobe

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are one of the most beautiful people I know inside and out, always giving of yourself, your hair will return and in the meantime the new hair is fabulous!! That a way Sarah, just like your Mom always there and giving…being the kind person you are:)

    Annette oxox

    Liked by 1 person

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