I thought I was past the point where my hair would start to fall out. Then on Friday morning I took my bun down for a minute and pulled my hand through my hair and found myself holding a lot more hair in my hand afterwards than I expected, a lot more. A few more times of running my hand over the pony tail – same result. So, I knew my hair would at least be thinning.
Friday night at home I realized I hadn’t checked again. Bun down, fingers threw my hair, and pretty big sections of hair, not exactly sections but thicker than strands came out. And over and over again, basically every time I did it. I checked again before I went to bed, same thing. However, I have soooooo much hair it wasn’t really making a difference in how it looked.
I cried a little. Not scared or angry, just sort of saying goodbye to my hair. At half an inch a month it will take a very long time to get my hair to be long again, at least two years. During the day today my hair has gotten shorter and shorter (the long hairs seem to be in the lead in departing my head) and thinner and thinner. Before this day is out I am going to shave my head. I have my wig and now two buffs. So I am as prepared as I can be.
This also makes me feel more like a cancer patient. I am often told by nurses and doctors how good I look. And for the most part I feel really good too. But, this is the beginning of everything being quite a bit different. I will look different. When I have the stem cell transplant I likely won’t feel that well. And all the restrictions post-transplant will change just about everything I do.