Life

After a glorious wedding weekend, filled with love, fun, family, friends, laughing, dancing, and wedded bliss, a dear friend’s son suddenly passed away. Just like that, elation to devastating sadness. Life us like that. And there are no words of condolence. No fixing it. And it seems so banal, but truly all we can do is relish the “good” things, the happy moments, the glorious occasions, the glowing smile of your daughter the bride, the arm of your son around your shoulder with a knowing squeeze, the silly laughs, the snuggle of your dog, or holding hands.

And then, there’s the cancer. A couple weeks before the wedding my doctor at Dana Farber decided to switchg treatment. My “numbers” had plateaued. They want to see them going down, hopefully to zero, a “complete response”.

So, after my off week the week before the wedding (which was perfect, I felt great, super great even!), my 5th cycle started last Monday. No more Revlimid. Still getting dexamethasone (steroid) and Velcade twice a week. And adding cytoxan on days one and eight of the cycle (followed by one week off). With the cytoxan I get an anti-nausea medication (Zofran) along with a prescription for it.

I have to say I don’t feel as well with this regimen as I did with the last. The nausea lasted all week, although was abated by the Zofran. I was more tired, more achy. But nothing that actually held me back (save the one day that I went straight to bed when I got home from work).

This morning my blood work showed that I am neutropenic (low white blood count), a side effect of the treatment. But going ahead with treatment anyway with the addition of Neulasta (a drug that promotes white blood cells) which I will come back in for tomorrow.

So, onward we go!

Because that’s life.

Published by

Heather

I never thought I’d be writing a blog, and certainly not one that is all about me, and yet, here I am. For me life has always been interesting, not mundane, not always exciting per se, but hardly ever the norm. When I say “It’s always something…” I don’t hear it as my life is a mess, it;s always something. It’s more of life is challenging and evolving and messy and inspiring and wondrous, it’s always something. I grew up in suburbia, buy my grandfather was the head of the Communist Party in the U.S. I was raised keeping that a secret, so that was something. I am tall, always have been, really tall (6’1″), I was taller than every human being in my elementary school when I was in 6th grade, that is still something. My parents divorced in my teens. I got a full basketball scholarship to Duke University. I married my high school basketball coach, 18 years my senior. I raised a stepson. I had two amazing kids of my own. We had a multicultural household, secular christian (I guess that’s what I would call it, you know Santa and the Easter Bunny) and Judaism, I used to say if it was a holiday – we celebrated it! We were uber involved in our community, mostly through youth athletics, coaching, managing and spectating. Our kids grew up, I started a photography business on the side (I hope to share some photos here) and we planned to travel a bit together, went to Portugal for our 25th anniversary and then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, initially they gave him 5 years, but he only survived for a little over two. I was going to say lived, but really, it was more like surviving. That, indeed, was something. I became a widow at 49. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But, then it was something in another way. I relearned who I was. You don’t realize how much of you becomes a combination of you and another person in a relationship. And not in a bad way, it is essential, and you don’t lose yourself, you just evolve. And I found myself suddenly alone, and learning about myself and who I had become over the years, what was just me, and what was part of who we were together. Which in retrospect, was probably hardest on those around me who had gotten used to the old me, or never even knew the original me. A year later I found love again. Sold my home of 31 years and moved closer to work. I became more fit, ate more healthfully and was amazed that I could be happy, truly happy, in the wake, no not wake, but the shadow of such profound grief. And that is truly something, something amazing and unexpected. And then, through some routine blood work in April 2014, and a visit to a hematologist and bone marrow biopsy in May, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. And so, yes, for me right now it’s multiple myeloma, but that is not all, there are still highs and joys, and the mundane and the rest, but something like cancer does cast a pretty long shadow.

2 thoughts on “Life”

  1. Sending you strength & healing thoughts. The wedding was amazing & our Sarah was the most radiant bride!

    Like

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